Big Bend 2/11/19

BIG BEND!! 2/11/19
This area is spectacular!

The campground is not! No water & electric for $14/night. Flush toilet but no shower. The weather was still chilly and overcast 2/10 when we arrived at 10am. After one of the camp host got us lined out, a 50-60 something gal who was a looker a bit ago and still fancied herself to be one… we beached the Pad just behind the bathrooms……..not the best view.
◦ Ranger Rick the other camp host came over and explained the reservation rules to us and I noticed he was dressed in kakis……….the whole Ranger look…..his wife was dressed the same way so perhaps at the National Parks this is a requirement. Nonetheless Rick was very serious about his responsibilities!
◦ After setting up camp I relaxed in the zero chair which sat atop the rug which I placed on the blacktop…….3.2 feet from the road where frantic campers dragged everything from 42’ toy haulers to cab over-campers that were new when Pet Rocks were a thing..Several times I was in fear for my life as extended side view mirrors glided above my head at what felt like inches. I cracked a Dos Equis which was camouflaged in my yeti “Special K” beer kozi that my best fishing buddy Pat D. got me.

◦ Texas state parks are literally Plastered!! With “ the pubic consumption of alcohol is strictly forbidden “ or some variation of that…..”Under penalty of DEATH by public flogging “ or something…….they ain’t messing around.This is a national park so maybe the manner of punishment is more benign here…..like maybe they make you be a camp host for a month.

◦ I entertained my self watching Ranger Rick Dremel tool a panel out of ……Linda the “looker”’s Winnebago. It was entertaining for about 30 seconds until the Dremel tool sound ……which was as loud as the 4am airboats at Goose Island …….but lucky for me the pitch is closer to the ear piercing wail of a newborn baby on a 4 hour flight….or anything sung by Yoko Ono and the plastic Ono Band!
◦ Rick worked away as Linda the Looker …….looked on…………it was more than that …..she fluttered…like a moth……if I were a nice person I’d say like a butterfly….but I’m not……and she wasn’t fluttering like a butterfly. A moth is more irritating…….Linda gushed at Ranger Rick in tones of praise….”Oh that looks great,oh my Rick what a good job you are doing” Rick was eating it up as he hacked away with the underpowered device at what I’m sure was no more than particle board. The cut line looked like a victim of Parkinson’s had made it…but .what the hell…Rick was a man possessed…..possessed by pride…isn’t that one of the 7 sins??

◦ Pride that Linda was perched at his shoulder showering him with gratitude and complements ……..something we men crave and apparently a skill that Linda mastered by the 5th grade……mastered and understood that it was a means to almost any end. By this time I could see Ricks wife , glaring a hole in the scene of star struck Rick and the Master Manipulator engaging in full on flirting at this point. Just then RR nicked a water line with the more than powerful enough Dremel……a miniature geyser arched over the picnic table as I swear I could see RR’s wife’s body language change from a simmering rage to outright glee.
◦ Linda the Looker scampered into the trailer and shrieked at what I assume was a mounting disaster…….”a mop, get a mop!! Quick” Ranger Rick jogged over to his camp asking the wife in a near yell ,”the mop,where’s the mop? “The wife, pretending not to notice the mop leaning against the bumper…”l not sure sweetheart “ I suspect this was code for “ go ask your slutty new friend over there “
The curtain had fallen for Ranger Rick,as LInda the Looker’s posture changed as well….the slope of her shoulders was more “ thanks for nothing loser”…Ranger Rick ,reading the new atmosphere….gathered his tools and slinked the 50 yards to his trailer and wife…a wife who announced “ you must be starved honey, I made you a sandwich,and I put mustard on both slices of bread just like you like”. This is code for “ you’re mine and I love you even if you are a moron “
◦
That evening we watched the movie Hitch….it was funny……but it ran into the 8pm generator curfew!!!! RR and his dutiful wife banged on the 5er door at 8:000000003 pm with what sounded like the thing the SWAT teams knock doors down with…….I hate generators too…..and RR was just doing his job …..but I’m a little growly on the subject because I’m paying $14 a night to freeze my ass off………Winter Texan my butt…..fortunately I was able to buy propane for $ 4.25 a gallon this morning!! Score!! The propane dude must be related to Minut Man 10 minute oil change in Rockport……did I tell you about……..multiple times,I’m sure

We went on a drive about with Shannon and Larry today and had a blast sitting at a spot called Verizon Hill for 2 hours trying to get State Park reservations,when the reservation system wasn’t locking up,it was telling us our phone number was not our phone number,fortunately it eventually accepted the phone number only to tell us our email was incorrect ,only to tell us that we were not really Kelly & Karen McCail ,a little later we searched for Larry’s phone in the cactus and yuccas AND rain after it was tossed an impressive distance out the Jeep window………..we called the reservation line as prompted by the online system……only to get the recording “ we are experiencing unusually heavy system usage,wait times………. will be between 6 hours and 32 minutes and 9 hours and 14 minutes” I make A LOT OF SHIT UP but even I couldn’t make this up……the gravy was they told us to try the web site for faster service….the site that told us they were so fouled up we should call………experiences like this make me wonder why we are not speaking Russian or Chinese……Shannon and I sat in the truck swilling beer like any good Wyoming hand would …and tried to stay out of Karen and Larry’s way….they were doing all the work…they were getting all the aggravation……we needed them focused on that….not on us……us …doing…. pretty much nothing . Finally Larry and Karen exited the Jeep and said “let’s go”…….I didn’t care where….and I wasn’t gonna ask….also didn’t ask where we were staying the next 3 days…..I, was afraid they didn’t know either…..and I knew enough to not stir that up. We had a grand time driving on dusty dirt roads behind hayseeds from Ohio who thought 3.5 mph was the standard operating procedure (SOP) for dirt
roads…..I’ve been out of my element before….but come on dude….3 and a half mph??
We went to the Hot Springs pull out and down the bumpy road to a parking area stating the spring was .25 of a mile…………heck….even I can walk that……..I find that I can do a lot of things………..what holds me back is I’m lazy and don’t wanna…..mostly I’m lazy

We were also lucky enough to come across a ump-pa-lump-pa Park Ranger who decided to get his short man…”I coulda been a cop” complex on with Larry …..I wrongfully so was standing 7.4 inches off the road taking a picture of a flower…when he appeared in the road……..Pearl the dog forgot her leash and was causing a real event by sitting calmly by the Jeep tire, Larry was searching for more beer’ump-pa finished his tongue lashing with
“Is that a problem”?
I think Dads are the only people who should be allowed to utter that phrase. Larry calmly said “no” and gave no hint to ump- pa how close he’d came to finding out what’s on the “other side” Larry found out later from a volunteer,that Manuel was well known as a peckerhead,and not particularly revered ……by anyone.
Once back in camp I was greeted by a second empty propane tank! Yeehaw! More propane at a cost that will require an unplanned 401K withdrawal!!
Score!briquette rationing was required after the propane purchase

All in all a good day finished off with steak and chicken on the grill and a game of Farkle …….which was easily won by the New World Champion Of Farkle
Karen!

The campground is tight and basically a holding ground for your camper while you are out experiencing nature….away from camp. This is odd for a Wyoming boy as we normally camp right in the middle of where we wanna be, for someone from Chicago this setup would seem or be normal……like going to the zoo…..you park your car and you walk somewhere to see stuff you wouldn’t normally see. Also…..maybe it’s a Wyoming thing…or maybe it’s me….I like camping where there are guns involved and dogs running free and no rules other than those suggested by the more mature of the group ……normally the wives……..and……well…..quite frankly……a lotta drinking….
Some camp days you might decide you’re gonna have a Bloody after breakfast then drink beer and plink 22’s out of lawn chairs till happy hour……I didn’t think that was reckless, childish , irresponsible,…….immature behavior before experiencing this kind of camping …..and I still don’t,……One kinda camping is yucking it up over games of “hammerslaugiun” and horse shoes and “shoot the crap outta the beer cans with the mini 14” and the other is sterile campgrounds, run by hosts who’ve been indoctrinated into some sort of “l’m FINALLY the boss of something….”club ……but also has magnificent views and history information even if a lot of it feels like you are kept behind the “velvet ropes” with all the rules. It’s just different camping in a NP and you just need to have your mind right for how it is….I will say that Big Bend National Park has been SPOTLESS…….haven’t seen one .223 riddled beer can the whole trip. I will admit that the N.P.’s would look like a vacant lot in the run down section of any major city…….minus the used needles of course……….if not for all the rules. Not so funny………… how we need to protect ourselves from ourselves ,before we wreck forever even more of what is beautiful.

It’s also been fun to chat with other visitors and get the low down on their experiences and adventures!