Montezuma Castle, Petroglyphs, and dumb things we say

Montezuma Castle is quite impressive and is worth the visitThe V bar V Ranch has wonderful examples of 800 year old petroglyphs, A short walk from the Ranger office has you in a grove of trees abutting a cliff face filled with The petroglyphs! A small group of 10-15 of us listen to the volunteer “Ranger” give a fascinating accounting of the different symbols and what researchers perceive them to depict. I’m almost as fascinated by the presenters efforts and skill as the content of the subject matter when we attend these. Perhaps just as fascinating is the ability of ,we the public , to say stupid stuff,ask stupid stuff and my all time favorite

“Nancy Knowitall”

*.

Nancy Knowitall will invariably interject into the volunteers presentation with minor examples of their knowledge of the subject. More often than not the injection will be regurgitated information……this causes eye rolling from everyone in the crowd who is not so insecure that they need to demonstrate how smart they are.

Sometimes the NNIA( edit….know is spelled with a k) NKIA will be so desperate to be involved in a “1 on 1” conversation with the presenter that they will ask stupid shit.

Our volunteer mentioned half a dozen times that the petroglyphs had been created between 1300 and 800 years ago!!!

NKIA: Were these trees here when they carved the petroglyphs?

Volunteer: uh

I can see the internal struggle our volunteer has going on..

Volunteer silently thinking: are you stupid, these trees are 8″ in diameter……..have you heard of 1300 year old trees?

By this time NKIA realizes her gaffe and the color drains from her face, our presenter, a seasoned veteran of Stupid Question Syndrome or SQS for short, quickly defuses the situation with

Volunteer: That’s an excellent question and I thank you for being engaged, but no these trees where planted and replaced by the Ranch multiple times over the last 150 years to act as a barrier,excellent question Nancy!!

I’m always impressed with speakers that have the ability to “save” the NKIA’s of the world…….I would blurt out: ” Hahahaaaaaa! Did you just ask that??? Can you count?? Are you stupid??

Our “Ranger” cautioned us to be careful as we moved about the tree rooted ground as a older gentleman had to be medi-vac’d out of the area after doing a “Mark Zuckerberg“** just last week.

I noticed the whole crowd glanced at the ground as we shuffled as a group,kind of a human centipede.***

I noticed the large man to my right liked to follow fashion trends, this particular trend has been in vogue for decades but still seems popular with the “older” crowd. The look is to pull your shorts or trousers up to were your armpit hair starts…tuck in your shirt and finish the look off by cinching your belt up so much that everything is SOOO tight that it looks like you are wearing a jumper. I chuckled internally as my foot stopped in mid stride!!

My toe ached as my brain SCREAMED…ROOT!!!!!! ROOT!!

As my right knee began to buckle, my left leg wanted to do something to stem the tide of the impending catastrophe. Fortunately or perhaps unfortunately for me, my left leg understood the physics of trying to lift both legs at once…….this move has been proven to be a real loser while wading the North Platte River over the years…..

As inertia continued on her merry way to ruin my day, my torso lurched forward,I glanced over at Karen as my eyes pleaded for help! My $6 cup of Starbucks was held triumphantly aloft in an effort to save it from spilling…………my brain…was not large enough to understand this was the least of my worries.

About this time my left knee began its buckle as it couldn’t support my fat ass all on its own, my right hand ….not wanting to miss out on all the fun , involuntarily crushed the foo foo coffee cup , sending a geyser of hot coffee into the atmosphere .As Karen’s face changed from a lack of realization to the forlorn look of every wife……the look that says….”NOT AGAIN”!!… my posture continued its accent forward and down….down……down…..down. The Rangers words of caution about tree roots reverberated in my empty head as my face continued its slow spiral towards large mans butt!! My optic nerve sent the peripheral view of my left hand reaching towards Large mans butt…….as the out of body experience continued , my brain screamed!!! DON’T TOUCH HIS BUTT….DON’T TOUCH HIS BUTT!!!!!!

While most men will happily fondle one another’s derriere during team sporting events…..it’s pretty much considered poor form any other time.

I succeeded in shutting down my left hand as I imagined it wondering ” what are you gonna do if I don’t help?” ……..

.

.

.

.

.

****

yep……. I Zuckerberg ‘d right into his more than ample keister

Mr skintight shorts was of such a size that I just bounced off, as I staggered to my feet, my fellow presentation attendees tried to avert their eyes……. as they wiped off coffee from …everywhere………their minds screaming as one……” he Zuckerberg’d right into that guys ass!!!! Holy crap!!!” A few murmured “you ok?” As they tried to erase the image forever burned into their brains

check out the Camp Verde area! It’s got some cool history….just remember to watch your step.

* internet picture of Nancy Knowitall, I have no idea if this lady’s name is even Nancy,please don’t sue me for using your picture as I have no money.

** a Zuckerberg is commonly know as a faceplant,this is not widely known as I just made it up……unless I subconsciously stole it from someone else.

*** this is a really bad film…..do not watch it……………ever

**** “the butt fumble “