A mad dash as the Wyoming winter approaches

somewhere near Moab…….or? I don’t remember

We were scrambling to prep the Mc5er for our dash south as arctic temperatures approached …..and I realized that it seemed like Etta and Otis had just joined our troupe moments before and it also felt like I couldn’t remember our life without their input. The fact of the matter is they are just shy of 4 months old as we pack the RV! Karen had 23 dog toys,the collapsable kennel, the puppy chow for large breed puppies, 3 leashes each, $14 Kong toys, $23 treats to put in the Kongs, 14# of puppy snacks, 144 doggy poop bags,14 books on how to survive raising a puppy without shooting yourself or the puppy , puppy shampoo,puppy conditioner, puppy foo foo spray, 17 more dog toys , Puppy repellent spray to repel the puppies from chewing on the furniture or whatever you just discovered they already destroyed ….in retrospect the bottle should have instructed you to spray it on EVERYTHING you own that you don’t want them to destroy one mouthful at a time BEFORE you bring them home….what a ripoff.

We departed Casper on the 25th of October with the pups in the doggy hammock in the back seat….They cavorted and chewed on one another for hours at a time and then just collapsed and slept like someone hit a switch….and then suddenly Etta would signal their awakening with her version of a Pterodactyls primal scream……Maybe Pterodactyls could’t make any noise….I don’t know …but that’s what Im claiming it sounds like. I suppose its more of a yawn on steroids but this is my blog….so.

We were just outside Steamboat when Karen said “did you fart?”…I guess after 17 years of marriage that’s a legal question……It was apparent that someone in the backseat had eaten one too many rocks or shoes or legs off of furniture or grasshoppers or the island in the Mc5er or socks or underwear or a plastic water bottle or the end off the garden hose or a dead bird,mouse,chipmunk etc and it was not agreeing with them. In a futile effort to bring happiness to our olfactory nerves I cracked the rear window….this produced a multiplying effect to the stench …..not what I was going for……..Karen : “ETTA”! Kelly: “what..what”? Karen: “Etta’s got the scoots” I desperately scan the windshield for an wide enough spot to pull off the road as our newly minted doo doo wagon raced down the highway, Otis somehow weaseled his way under the hammock in an effort to escape the tapioca textured pile. Etta stared back at me in the rear view mirror……..her expression saying ” Looks like someone crapped back here,…….sucks to be you” You might wanna get this picked up before my bro and I roll in it….and get it EVERYWHERE!!!!

WE careened off the road as the 13,000# fifth wheel felt like it went airborne momentarily…..skidding to a stop on the gravel shoulder like a extremely overweight Dukes Of Hazard General Lee. Karen and I bailed out of the truck like we were making a tactical strike…peeling open the back doors in unison to reveal THIS!!!!!*

And two puppies gleefully bouncing to and fro in and effort to avoid our grasp “its a game dad! You cant catch us!”

“Karen get me the POOP BAGS!!!!!!! ‘ I scramble for my gloves!!! Etta and Otis dance just out of our grasp as I try and contain the tapioca before….CRAP!!!! I felt flecks hit my arm.!!!! and airborne particles of poo in my peripheral vision !!! OTIS!!!! Stop wagging your tail!!!!! How the hell did he get it on his tail!!!! Fortunately at this moment we were blessed with Etta stepping in “it” and then doing some sort of snowboarders halfpipe move across the back of the truck seat right into Karens arms! After some dry heave clean up of the truck…Karen ..Kelly…Eta and Otis…it was decided that we need to travel with paper towels and that stuff that the janitor would sprinkle on vomit in the hall that would cause the rest of us to puke once the odor drifted into the class room……or …..maybe not. Crap, traveling with puppies is hard….how in the world do people with babies survive?

We arrived at our good friend Jeff’s house shortly after …I with a serious case of the Red Ass after the “shit show”. ……was that the mature attitude? No…….Karen was a much better sport and adult than I……..anyway, after Karen plied me with a drink……I healed up real quick. It was great to see Jeff and Drake even if we had to leave the next day as 4-8 inches of snow was on the way…..Biggest thanks goes to Drake for kicking the shit out of Otis….even if it was only a minor snap/bite…..Otis ran off yelping, high stepping like Archie Giffin in 1975 (google it)

I’ve never seen a dogs tail tucked up under himself so far that the tail was on his chin…..poor guy walked a 100 yard perimeter for 15 minutes after that….He finally slinked in and was most respectful of Drake from there on out…….The event was not missed by Etta…..she is a sharp cookie….even though she help antagonize Drake…she was a background player….she let Otis find out what’s what….she all but set him up. But she learned tooI hope….