Fast times at the 55+ communities and reckless driving

Karen and I were very thankful that our dear friend Karen let us use her home in Arizona. We are hopeful that the puppies wear and tear ( complete destruction) of certain household furnishings , textiles , cookware, knickknacks , reading material , landscaping and the very structure itself will not negatively impact our friendship.

As you can observe from the action photo above these 55+ communities are a hotbed of activity! You will also note that the female to male ratio is roughly 47/1!!!! Now if you are a male….this is the best news ever…..if you are a female this translates into you and all your besties competing for what amounts to table scraps. Let’s face it guys….most of us are no prize and many of us are lucky that our spouses put up with our poor self-centered behavior. Unfortunately for the single ladies living in these communities….this means they are rummaging through some pretty slim pickings . Most all the singles moved into the 55+ community with a wife or husband of many years and sadly lost them to illness at some point or perhaps just smothered them in their sleep. I would think that being thrust back into singleness at the later stages of life is a shock or maybe a blessing for some?

The 55+ developments really are a great deal for most folks even though I poke fun of it……..well!!!!!! What else would you expect?????

There is tennis and golf and pickle ball and exercise classes and pools and …well just all sorts of stuff to do!!!!!!

.

.

.

.

AND there is a bar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

watching these folks in a bar is just like we use to do it in the olden days before faceplant, we’d just make eye contact with the lucky lady of interest and give it a little Joeywhile this has some level of success it also results in a open palm to the face but most often the advances were met with hysterical laugher…. we enjoyed greater success with “someone farted,lets get outta here” ………….you see we didn’t have snapchap or tinder or E Harmony or Match or any of that stuff where you can BS your way into a date……..by my observations in the 55+…..it is done through eye contact and face to face conversation……not texts, email, insta-dram , face-thyme,,,,,none of that there bull……but good old fashion ….putting yourself out there for humiliation!!!!

And it was just like sitting in a bar in my 20’s…you could see the women who were on the hunt and those who had brighter ideas….and the men too…..either they completely ignored the flirtatious stares or tried their best to look cool as a cucumber ….while this was entertaining….Karen and I had deviled eggs to make for Thanksgiving and couldn’t waste all night looking at 70 something mating rituals …..Im sooo glad my wife has not smothered me in my sleep ………………………………………..yet..

The eggs were required because our new friends Jane and Milhous Livingston invited us to Thanksgiving dinner…..this triggered the thought that these folks in the 55+ weren’t old! Just well seasoned!!.

…

..

.

..

.

.

Milhous ……stomped me at golf…the guy is 73 years old…..bad back…fake knee, rebuilt shoulder, has had Botox and who knows what else…..and he beat me by 9 strokes! Right down the middle every time! Straight and true every time! And Milhouse was full of “nuggets of life” that he shared with me, antidotes…..of a life well lived…..I can only hope to emulated these two to some small degree….then I too can feel as if i have contributed………..And don’t get me started on Jane ……………

.

.

.

.

.

.

………she looks like a movie star….what a striking woman….she must have been drinking when she teamed up with MIlhous…..and what a sense of humor these two have! These two single handily changed my mind about the residents of the 55+…….these folks were NOT old! Just aged like a good steak!

Thanksgiving Dinner !!!!…….they had just met us!!! What kind folks! Their warm and welcoming nature reminded me to try and be a nicer person going forward….and shelve the grumpy old man routine….one can try I suppose……or not

.

.

I was full of positive energy in anticipation of our dinner with Jane and Milhous ….this was short lived after I destroyed the deviled egg mixture by inadvertently putting vanilla extract into the yolks instead of the white wine vinegar ………..its a rather long story ……but….I shouldn’t have been watching football while blindly groping around the counter for ANY container amongst the 14 ingredients strewn about there.

I raced to the local grocery in the personal scooter that everyone drives here….in search of MORE eggs! And wine vinegar !Scooters are fun!!!! But they go fast and I’m old, and reaction times have expanded with the passage of time…….and they really don’t have any storage ….and…as you might imagine… eggs in a styrofoam container on a vinyl seat……of a scooter …being driven at maximum speed by a boomer in a constant effort to revisit his youth…….is Sub-optimal .

As I careened around the first corner…a squirrel appeared outta nowhere!!.

.

.

.

.

I swerved left then right…..and I saw a female squirrel and a nut!!.

.

.

.

I had little time to contemplate if squirrel #1 was thinking about going for squirrel # 2 or nut #1????? Just about now the scooter started to tip……………..now when I say tip I mean the god #$$^%#^@ thing was going airborne AND it was trying to CARTWHEEl into some old guys yard!!!!

Luckily the tire struck the curb with what I can only categorize as holy sh*t!!!!! Force!……this caused the bumper to “contact” the concrete mailbox…..now….contact is a funny word…..and perhaps the wrong word to describe the results of hitting concrete with plastic…….a better word or phrase might be…..saaaay………… ‘it tore the shit outta the front” of the once pristine scooter……..yeah…..that’s a much more accurate way to describe it.

In and unfortunate twist the eggs went flying sometime during my one man demolition derby……as luck would have it…they smashed at the feet of the 1946 “boomer” and owner of said concrete mailbox………sending yokes and the snot like whites cascading up the legs of his starched chinos!

I quickly threw the bumper and shards of fender into the back and gunned that thing back onto the road……I could hear the guy cussing me out….GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!Thankfully his ranting quickly faded as I sped away………..Thank goodness for Jane and Milhous. ……..the high bar that they set helped average this guy back to center..

.

.

.

.

.

.

..

Get out there and meet some seasoned people! Even if you are seasoned too!!!

Special thanks to Jan and Richard for a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner and day!!