Puppy kindergarten and being a horrified parent

I know….I know…they look so cute…….It reminds me of being a kid……we’d be all cute and funny in the audience of Mom’s friends and relatives and then we’d get in the car and a 4 boy WWE CAGE MATCH would ensuethen once home ,we’d do something mundane like run over each other with the RUPP minibike

Or catch the woods behind the house on firePuppies are quite the opposite……….they seem calm and semi well mannered while walking on the leash and practicing their other kindergarten homework………….then you get them to class and they act like congress, or….

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My mothers forlorn refrain reverberated in my balding dome

” my boys are normally ….pretty well behaved ”

I muttered something similar about our puppies behaving so well in the park just before we came to class………Our teachers look of disbelief didn’t bolster our spirits……..

Karen bathed Otis & Etta while I lost golf balls on Bear Creek (bare creek) which boasts almost 2 acres of grass…..two acres sounds like a lots of grass until you disperse it over 6,000 yards and 18 holes…….it roughly works out to fairways that resemble my thinning dome…with hairs or in this case blades of grass on 1 inch centers…….I digress….

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Karen worked very hard to clean up the puppies……and although much easier than washing a cat….washing puppies is a one way street where you try and contain the mercury like puppy and all that water, while said puppy expends all their superhuman like energy to ensure a complete bathroom remodel is required. After washing,shampooing, conditioning, foo foo spraying and towel drying to a magnificent fluff , Karen PROCLAIMED SUCCESS !!! .

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.fortunately this is NOT one of our pups………..

a unique and extremely endearing quality of puppies, and I assume infants , is their heartfelt efforts towards reversing ANY efforts by their humans to keep them in a presentable state of cleanliness…………………….alas…resistance is futile

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.After releasing the hounds to sun dry near the pool, Karen took 3 minutes to relax over her book……… we all have had this experience at one time or another…..you are mentally jolted to a new level of awareness……..HOLY CRAP!!!! It’s toooooo quiet.

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.Racing into the backyard like an Olympic sprinter…. Karen

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.FOUND THIS!!!!!!!!!

We immediately contacted the Marshal of the local neighborhood watch!!!!

Mrs Kravits assured us it was highly unlikely that a daytime cat burglar came in our backyard dunked the hounds in the pool then dug a hole rivaling the Mariana Trench ….rubbed their feet and faces in the red dirt and then slipped out the back undetected. I call bull sh*t………….our babies are perfect and would never do anything like dig a hole….eat the tree, eat an ENTIRE potted plant dirt and all, eat the irrigation system, eat the spray nozzle off the $14 bottle of PUPPY REPELLANT, eat a cactus. I contend that Ottis was trying to back fill the hole under the fence that the cat burglar made !

I tried to block out all the negativity that had been aimed at out perfect bundles of joy as we drove over to puppy kindergarten graduation and the “Participation trophy” ceremony.