Besides me,who needs a haircut?

This virus has really gotten us all down, and while it certainly has caused heartache and misery, I’d like to focus on the more trivial repercussions ……in an effort at humor.

‘Humor is the best medicine” as they say….spoken by the guy that doesn’t desperately need a vaccine…..or somethin……….

So who remembers when this whole rodeo started? I think we all have our own timeline…..as humans….as people…..we tend to put things into our own personal perspective …………you know…..shit ain’t real till some moron buys all the “anal floss” or hamburger

One of many questions I have for the “hoarders”….where the hell do you keep all this food and these dry goods?…………………….During the beginning of this “no anesthesia permitted colonoscopy “ We were traveling in our fifth wheel (the Mc5er)……so storage was limited……the freezer is roughly the size of 4 ice cube trays………sooooo you can have ice for cocktail hour

or you can have a bunch of frozen animal protein………we bought a 50# bag of rice…….so I think we are ok.

We returned to Wyoming after almost 6 months of travel….2-3 months that will be remembered as the “How strange can it get event of 2020”…..alright maybe that’s a bit of a mouthful …..it will be remembered as “something”.

As is the will of Wyoming weather we skidded into the driveway just as the flurries started…….We hurriedly unloaded the Mc5er as the hounds of Baskerville hit the dog door at a velocity rivaling a corner at Darlington speedway….fortunately for us , Otis and his ample kister hit the door at an angle that caused the hinges of the door to rattle…….6-8 more times of that and we’ll be rehanging the door……..Thanks Otis. As the snow started to pile up we brought load after load into the house, meticulously stamping our feet in an effort to keep Mother Nature outside where she belongs………we discovered on our thirteenth trip into the house that…….Otis and Etta missed that memo and wanted to commune with nature……this is achieved by racing around the now snow covered yard…..then chasing each other thru the dog door at the speed of John Glenn….slamming into the dryer…ricocheting off the pantry door only to lose control and hit the water heater with such force that if not for the piping holding it in place (for now) it would have toppled over…………..as if this scene was not enough to break our spirits , the sight of the debris …the cloud that engulfed the pups as they raced past

Pigpen like……but with leaves and sticks and dead grass….but most of all snow….lots of snow…..as most are aware….snow melts when removed from its natural environment.

Otis and Etta were either unaware of the concept of thermal exchange or just didn’t care……lucky for them they are cute

But enough of puppy cuteness……..

As I shoveled the walk the next day…..I approached the neighbor next door doing the same….we hesitated…..at 8 feet…we did a little head nod and an abrupt about face ,

in the olden dayz we would have exchanged pleasantries about the weather….about how he misguidedly hates the Steelers…..how I have a rather healthy disdain for the Broncos …and as he turned to return home…I’d have deposit two shovels full of snow onto his newly shoveled walk…….Bronco lover!!!…..but none of that harmless jocularity transpired………..we are in the midst of a “cootie epidemic “

The weather cleared and we’ve welcomed spring as best we can……Wyomingites like everyone in the winter states , long for the advent of spring….the glee of reading your book in the struggling spring sunshine on the patio…even if a sweatshirt is required…..the joy of meeting friends and loved ones on the patio of your favorite watering hole……..where you enjoy the warmth of the rays on your face as the group expounds on the summer ahead….the fun we’ll have…together……but we cant do all of that stuff right now….so we need to do the best we can….and try and support one another………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….unless you are golfing

While golfing…..you can still talk sh*t…even if you are walking for the first time since Nancy Sinatra rocked “These Boots Are Made For Walking”…………….In an effort to avoid the costs of cleaning the carts and common areas…the Muni decided to allow free golf…..but you had to walk………well this sounded like a good deal on the surface……just like it did to the pioneers of old………the reality of old fat people like me schlepping 14 clubs (11 of which are worthless because I cant hit them 72 yards…or straight) 17 sleeves of balls….because it takes a lot of balls to golf like I do …….a rain jacket….4,782 tees, winter hat…….flask of whiskey……second flask of whiskey in case the first flask gets a hole in it, 14 golf gloves….13 of which have holes in them because Im too cheap to throw them away…..golf sandals….spare golf shoes….14 pairs of golf socks…..score cards from the last 72 rounds. 87 golf pencils (hey they are free!) the tee wrench to adjust the angle of the club face on 3 different clubs that hit crookedly ……. and $73 in loose change…..by the third hole the course looked like

But really it was like this….with golf bags being lightened…. debris everywhere!!!

And soon we saw the carnage of golfers trying desperately to lighten their load……….just as their ancestors did during the great westward migration………grannies piano….Moms side board….jettisoned from the prairie schooner in an effort to SURVIVE the horror of the walk ….golf balls, hats,jackets clubs…littered the course ….with each hole the tossed gear increased…..until….we came to the ultimate sacrifice……..a shining example of one golfer giving up himself to save his foursome from impending peril

Greg , Dennis and I were more fortunate as we played 7 holes in just under 5 hours and left our beer in the truck.

There are plenty of ways we can survive this troubling time….golf is just one…..its exasperatingly infuriating insanity causing allure , just as strong as in the days of shared carts, shared flaks, high fives and no need to drink 14 beers on the front nine like the guy above( unless ya wanna)

Try and get out and camp, fish, golf, read in the sun, call your Mom……do something…..but safely

And dont forget

Get out and live….

be a liver!!