Why did my Mom leave me? I didn’t realize how very very much I loved and NEEDED my Mom.
I discovered very quickly how much everyone in my family needed my Mom….My Mother was the caregiver for my disabled older brother for just months shy of 40 years and my dad who became blind in his early 60’s . WTH??? Who signs up for that? No one….thats who…..but there are people out there who are care givers…to unfortunate spouses ,siblings,children, and others who can not fend for themselves
I’m not referring to stressed out Moms,bouncing one child on each knee while chasing the third one behind the couch….while motherhood is tough (near as I can tell) Moms and Dads sign up for parenthood (what I’ll call normal parenthood anyway).It’s a conscious choice………a choice that appears to kinda suck at times…at least to my untrained eye, but also appears to bring unbridled joy,pride,love . This is about caregivers.
Caregivers tend to pass before their charges……now I understand why….you are physically exhausted, mentally spent……My wife Karen and I witnessed this first hand with my siblings as we said our goodbyes at Moms deathbed.
I suddenly realized all the help and effort my brother and his entire extended family had provided over the years back east as I sat smugly in Wyoming providing whatever unhelpful comments I might spew at any moment . Once I grew up and married Karen…we …at her urging starting arraigning 2-4 month trips to CasperWyoming for my disabled brother….he could come out and spend time with our brother and his family in Gillette Wyoming at that same time. Giving everyone involved in a caregiver situation respite is important. All of this is provided as background…as context…..for you the reader…..this is a Public Service Announcement, it not about our unique situation, although I believe this is helping me with all of my emotions,loss, sadness, stress ,GUILT,etc
Give a caregiver you know a hand if you can……I will warn you of my experience….sometimes you may get the brush off …”It’s ok, I got it, he’s my husband (brother,wife mother,sister,insert one)“ Try your best to provide a break for the caregiver even if they try and fight you off.
Spend a few hours with their charge so the caregiver can read a book,get their hair done, go to lunch…or just be able to spend some time alone without the weight of the world on their shoulders. I’m sure everyone knows someone in a caregiver situation, remember that many are so good at it that it doesn’t appear to our uninformed eye to be any extra effort. The effort is nothing short of extraordinary. As I said caregivers tend to pass before their charges……don’t waste another moment,don’t put it off…..days become weeks and so on. If possible “adopt” a caregiver and try and do a regular respite….it is so important to both parties involved….a wonderful byproduct is you will feel wonderful too.
For whatever reason Ive felt introspective lately and I suppose this blog is a result of that. I am not going to post this to faceplant maybe because of its serious nature and it is a bit of a personal revelation for me….peeks into my serious side are unbelievably difficult for me.I’m sure it can be shared thru email from WordPress.
I do however ask you to at least share this by example…..it you can only help out once….thats OK……your caregiver will be forever grateful
Round the bend 
Powerful! 💜
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As the primary caregiver of my Mom (breast cancer) and my Dad (stroke), I hear you! I watched the fabulous Hospice volunteers and all the medical people do their thing. I resolved to give back when I retired. When my own cancer threatened an early demise, I retired early to “smell the roses.” However, when that demise did not happen, I began to feel guilty that I hadn’t given back as I had promised. It took close friends to convince me that I actually had because I “volunteered” in other ways. I drove friends to doctor appointments or to the hospital when needed, I took food to them, I sat for hours in the middle of the night in a freezing emergency room, or spent the night at their homes making sure they were ok. Sometimes it was just time spent talking, reassuring, or even scolding. All those things caregivers do (on your list) are exhausting but they are also rewarding. To have the capacity to care for someone other than ourselves is the greatest gift. Thank you for yours!
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Great article! Yes, Hedy was a great caregiver! She cared for your Dad and Pat because her love for her husband and children were utmost the most important people in her life! She loves you so much and knew that you would carry her torch! She knew you and Karen would always be there for your Dad and Pat! I am the lucky one who had the privilege to meet Hedy and became her friend! I think of her often. Now it is time for me to go home and take care of my Mother! Thank you for letting me take Pat and Barry to Australia!
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Mom loved you very much Theresa, you are a special woman
Kelly
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