This is the end, my only friend,the end*

As you hopefully recall , we were stuck in Kenora Ontario…a short floatplane ride away from our destination……Maynard Lake Lodge! We had been working on getting to the lodge for what seemed to me like , how long it takes to get to the nearest highway rest stop when you decided you had to pee 50 miles ago.

It feels like I been on this trip sooo long I don’t even remember where I’m going!!!

After we were informed that we had wasted an entire day hanging around the dock…and we wouldn’t be flying anywhere……AND we overheard our fellow “dock lurkers” say they procured the last available hotel room in Kenora!….Pat whipped out his non waterlogged iPad and began the search.

To be honest I was so discombobulated from all our travel trials and tribulations……..I wasn’t even concerned……….as a long ago coworker was fond of saying…”it is what is is” and I guess , I was at the point of surrender…..which I always felt that saying expressed.

I was feeling a bit down……alright I was whining like a crybaby bastard. Pat said “snap out of it bitch”.

And the bastard slapped me!!!

Pat: “ I got us TWO ROOMS weenie!!!!Me: cool! No more spooning with you in the car !!!

FINALLY! Some good luck,seemed like everything that could go wrong on this trip has………so Pat securing TWO rooms in this small town is nothing short of miraculous. I convinced Pat that we should join the lawyer dudes that we met for a beer ( or several rum and Coke’s) so off to the Days Inn we went. We ordered cheeseburgers and I a beverage, and felt pretty smug that Pat got us rooms at The Lake View Inn, and the lawyer dudes have a view of the adjacent building……shits starting to turn our way!!

Soon enough we be dining on Maynard lake Lodge surf and turf!

Fried walleye! Ribeye grilled to perfection!

Excited to hopefully be able to fly tomorrow we bid our friends a good night and headed to the Lake View Inn!

As we pulled up

The play on the spelling was a bit concerning….but hey, maybe that’s the way the French spell it……The Motel office was in the CO-OP next door……basically a 7-11

A motel office that is housed in a 7-11 has warning sirens going off in your head! Worst yet,there was no office in the 7-11……you dealt with the 7-11 clerk…..like you were buying lotto tickets or drano to make meth in the bathtub of the Lake VU Hotel! Pat and I waited in line once we figured out the motel office was nonexistent. I scanned the store as we waited,doing a diagnostic on each character…..or at least my perception. I like giving them names as I do my little Columbo routine in my cavernous cranium. Tami and Ed over by the beer cooler looked like there was some big time math going on regarding the volume of beer that could be purchased while still staying within the panhandling coffers they’d procured washing windshields at the lone stoplight. Then there was Robert over by the camping supplies (the CO-OP was well supplied) rubbing a hole in his already scabbed up jaw trying to decide if he had enough for the big can of Sterno to secure his place at the bathtub cook.

And last but not least,there was Emilio…..in the corner by the head……doing a little head nod at select patrons…..as in meet me in the bathroom……2 or 3 transactions transpired between Emilio and various drug enthusiasts before we got to the clerk

Behind the bulletproof glass our clerk fidgeted and rocked from one foot to the other in some sort of druggie happy dance. We apparently book our accommodations at the crappiest doper magnet in town! We shared a clairvoyant glance that said “it’s cool,we just got to get to the room….without getting knifed,shot or raped.

We held our keys tight as we hurriedly beat feet across the parking lot. The familiar smells of marijuana,(that I had read about in a book many years ago ) waft across the asphalt,produced by some skeletal looking gnome who scurried into the entrance like a roach seeking the darkness. As we approached the entrance a …..um…woman…offered Pat a warm salutation

I pushed past Pat to the safety of the vestibule as he assured the ….um….woman that he didn’t need any company,didn’t want to party and didn’t have any spare change. Once inside we stood in horror, the hall way rug directly in front of Pats room had a stain…..of undeterminable origin.

We speculated that it was either vomit or urine…..What was a mystery for the ages was……..was the perpetrator desperately trying to enter the room and didn’t quite make it when the urge overcame them??…or did they hurriedly bail out of the room in an effort to preserve their pristine domicile?

My imagination ran wild regarding the condition of the interior of the rooms

Or worse yet!

Back to the reality of our abodes…I discovered

Apparently some prior boneheaded guest had locked themselves out! Some people are morons.At least I hope it was a locked out guest and not any of the parking lot lurkers trying to gain entry to ….keep you company!!

Otherwise….

Everything appeared clean!!

Now the bathroom

Was another story entirely!!! Guess I’ll be doing the hover after coffee in the morning. Even though the toilet was disgusting………I was surprised it wasn’t worse based on the clientele we had encountered thus far…….especially The …um…women at the front door.

I told Pat to come by my room after he got unpacked and we’d check out the boobtube. While waiting on Pat I inspected the linens to determine if I’d be sleeping atop the sheets or not…..score! As rough as every aspect of this joint is, the bed looked to be spotless,

I took the chair and propped it against the wall above the lone baseboard heater to create a tent and stared hanging all the wet items from my bag that got dunked in the lake by Junior…the dumbass dockhand. I gently placed the keyboard on the chair where the heat would flow up and around it but not too close,my spare skivvies, socks,shirt,passport,proof of cootie vaccination , two hopelessly curled up paperbacks and a $43 peanut butter sandwich from the Calgary airport. This was all I could do….and I was trying to get myself on a more positive vibe, I’m mean…your shit is wet,the keyboard may be toast….we are surrounded by dopers…….and at least one….um….lady..but things are looking up….focus on that! Pats knock at my door snapped me out of it…..letting him in I see he is bearing gifts!! An ice cold Kokane

What a pal! While putting his life in danger by going into the CO-OP to get himself a iced frappa hooka lappa danca coffee…Pat was kind enough to grab me a cold one!

Pat gave me a bit of shit over my little “tent drying station “…..you’ll be here till next year waiting on that set up to dry he said as I fought the idea of using the bathroom after consuming the Kokane in 3 gulps.

I donned my cootie mask and pulled my hoody up, put on some fishing gloves took a deep breath and ran into the bathroom……the filth won’t get me if I’m quick enough I thought!!

Returning from the can I find Pat sitting there like The Cheshire Cat

Complete with all knowing shit eating grin……”I fixed it for ya, the keyboard, it would never dry like that “. I look over to the baseboard heater and my lifelong friend, a person I’ve been in awe of for 40 years,for his intelligence and problem solving abilities,for his ability to always succeed,at any endeavor , has placed the keyboard directly on the heater! I screamed”are you a moron!”

I raced to the heater as the the first wisps of smoke drifted upward and the familiar smell of burning plastic overcame the mildew odor of the room.

It’s confirmed Pat, is human……Pat: “maybe I got it too close to the heater??”….I couldn’t be upset…I was pretty sure the thing was toasted anyway….when you typed the letter y , it back spaced until it erased everything you just typed! The chemistry experiment of turning a solid into a semi fluid state completed….we opted to call it a night. I gave Pat my hairbrush for a weapon for his 50 foot trek to the safety of his room and agreed to meet at 6:30 am to head back to the dock.

The sun began to peak over the horizon

And I tried to get a glimpse of the lake VU from my window

I don’t see no lake…do you?

We gleefully humped our bags to the rental car and extended a salutation to a group of guys next to the car adjacent to ours

I guess they had a fitful nights sleep

We didn’t care we got the bird for breakfast…..we’d be airborne soon! We rode in silence,each of us inspecting the clearer sky thru the windshield soiled by a light mist. Pat broke the silence as we parked, “we’ll fly for sure this morning “ . We waded up to the hanger as other groups of fishermen rolled in , all of us had chatted,as we spent 7 hours together yesterday. The cat calls started right away “ hey nobody fly in Kelly’s plane,with his luck you’ll crash,hahahaha “ I returned fire with a friendly “piss off” . All the groups were familiar with my air travel troubles as well as the sinking of the iPad and iPhone , so they knew I’d been riding an unlucky streak. We all lined up next to our assigned planes after being weighed again, did they think we were gonna put on 10 pounds overnight?

I saw one of the pilots in the pilots lounge…..where I guess they……lounge before their flight

I was the one to fire off the cat calls to the other group as I saw their pilot walking over to inspect the aircraft

Our pilot Dougie seemed like a capable sort as he gave us preflight instructions

In short order we were on our way, blissful in the deafening engine noise , crammed in the small plane with two other dudes,like high school kids jammed into the car of the only friend with wheels. After30 minutes in the air Pat and I began pointing out familiar landmarks that signaled we were close! Dougie set the plane down on the rippling lake “like a butterfly with sore feet” as Pat likes to say.

As we approached the dock the owners,guides and kitchen staff lined up to greet us, many familiar faces and some new ones as well! None were smiling……this is odd,very odd. Once we exited the plane….we saw…….the devastation……the lodge! Flattened!

We cornered our favorite guide Big Fish Larry……..

“what the hell happened” ??

In my head all I can think about is all we went thru to get here,the extra days of travel the added expenses…and now this!

Larry ushered us to the side, apparently the owners didn’t want a whole lot of details floating about….Larry in a hushed tone: Last night two of the newer guides were blowin a fatty in the privacy of the crawl space

And being new to our operation, they were unaware that the propane is stored down there!! Holy crap! Where would we enjoy the wonderful meals?

Where would we visit with new found friends?

In the excitement of artistic creation………I may have played fast and loose with the facts here.

What really happened was the lake level went up by 15 – 20 feet! To its highest level ever!

Lifelong friends,thru high water and low water!

There was a microburst that materialized on the lake and caused 3-4 foot swells coupled with extreme winds…..it destroyed the dock, flattened one of the maintenance buildings at the dock,and threw several boats against the rocks, putting football sized hole in them! This all transpired in a ferocious 30 minute span 2 days before we arrived!The effort and determination displayed by Josh and Kayla the owners, and all the staff was truly amazing. Our trip was impacted 0% by the financial ,operational and I’d assume emotional devastation that the lodge experienced.

Very impressive!!

The fishing was excellent!