In The fall of 24 (lets hope not)

We spent the spring/summer prepping the Casper house for sale. well Karen did most of it. I busied myself going thru boxes I’d been schlepping around since Ronald Regan was in office because that’s really all I can be trusted to do.

One very odd realization when preparing to sell/move…the banister you damaged on move in day 22 years ago,that you swore you’d repair next week….is STILL in need of repair. The Stones famously said “Time is on my side” well thats a bunch of crap!

It’s only on your side if you can hire someone!!! But we couldn’t afford that, so Karen busied me with painting the cupola and weather vane,the thought being it was high enough on the roof that any potential buyer wouldn’t notice what a shitty job I did.Karen said “just make sure you…

After cleaning the black paint that slopped all over the shingles as best I could,I proudly descended the ladder to the safety of terra firma. Given my new found propensity for injury, I was happy to be done with ladder work for the time being.

Karen listed the house after cleaning every square inch…..twice…..Karen is like that.

Thanks to Karens staging and marketing, the house sold faster than a fat truck driver hitting the Golden Corral buffet line for the 4th time.

Like all folks who sell rather quickly, the 14 seconds of euphoria was replaced with a heartfelt “ah fu*k” as we both did the mental calculation of the footprint of 22 years of stuff.

Most people sell and move into another place, we were not,we were consolidating as they say. I think consolidation was a new catch phrase coined by some washed up HGTV star

In an effort to launch a new show called Proprietas el crapo which loosely translated from Latin means” your stuff is crap”

We began consolidation with a good ole fashioned garage sale! This entails trying to sell an item that you paid $500 for, for $50 ,only to be scoffed at by some picker when you refused to accept $7. Some may romanticize the thought of a garage sale, sitting in a lawn chair (complete with price tag) sipping coffee in the warm sun,greeting your neighbors, exchanging pleasantries. Wrong, ya gotta follow people into the house so you can keep junior from playing bouncy house on you $3,000 couch that your trying to sell for $200. You bake in the sun,overcome by boredom and the thought of the $3,000 payday that awaits after 2 consecutive weekends of groveling with cheap ass morons so you can be rid of $25,000 worth of shyt that you got no room for.

I love going to garage sales, looking for that unknown treasure , but if you are thinking of putting one on yourself, I recommend a prostate biopsy without anesthesia.This will give you a proper comparison from a level of enjoyment perspective. I was, however, able to fetch top dollar for two records from the early 1960’s. I personally was not familiar with these particular recording artist that I got from my great friend Ralph, but apparently they are highly collectable recordings!

Garage sales are a bit of a cathartic experience as you part with items you’ve had for years, items that were gifts from long gone lovers, friends from decades ago that you lost touch with.Parting with, or more so, being forced to part with items like these causes one to face the reality of age, the passage of time. Our youth may be behind us now but what wonderful memories were made in that home, with mothers and fathers and brothers and sister and friends for life.

We will miss that house, a house filled with love, laughter, family, friends and dogs. Cussing at Steeler games on TV, People of Walmart parties, Halloween parties and the joy of everyday life!