After asking (tricking) my great golfing friend Dennis into dog sitting,Karen made plane and hotel reservation in seconds!Dennis arrived from Casper and was given 12 minutes of instruction on the hounds from hell…….we did however take Dennis to all the nearby bars and restaurants so he could easily drown his sorrows after a day with the “twins”. Dennis, the newbie that he was ,happily dropped us at the airport for our 9am to Puerto Vallarta , unaware of what carnage lay before him.
Karen and I noted that our usual airport screwdriver had been replaced with a coffee with a Voltaren back! Holy crap….we are old!!!
Airports are great for people watching….one of my favorite pastimes. Although certainly not complete,there is a fair cross section of humanity. The “ Bidness” man, complete with 1000 yard stare, an unexpressed “perk” provided by their employer. The stare’s gestation period is approximately 1-50 flights per year,depending on the individual’s ability to stave off the feeling of quicksand that is corporate America
Then there is the young family ,schlepping …two car seats ,pushing a $2600 empty double stroller, dragging one toddler by the hand as they balance on their backpack,like a turtle in trouble. As turtle child screams like Brian Johnson stepping on a Lego
Toddler #2 although a blood relation to #1 , giggles happily like a congressman who’s just heard that the Grand Jury has decided to not indict
For a moment you feel bad for the parents but then remember they are getting the child tax credit of $2,200 which almost offsets the 8 jillion dollars it probably takes to raise a child to 30 years of age like they like to do now days .
As we waited in the line for our assigned boarding group , my ears rang with the familiar sound of the “ I’m So Important person”. ISI people are most commonly found at work in the form of customers and the occasional coworker, the customer form being the more tolerable of the two as there is some expectation of a ROI in return for not strangling them.
A essential trait is to loudly talk on your cell in public spaces,this behavior is designed to alert “we the masses, the commoners “ that a ISI person is in the building, I imagined her name to be “Monica the miserable “ in honor of a Monica I met in LA during my working years.Monica was……..I can’t think of the right word to describe her……..oh what did we call them at work?….. oh yeah,Monica was an a$$hole.
Karen and I made eye contact which opens the portal of Extrasensory Perception or ESP also know as Cryptaesthesia , a very common tool for long married couples . Karens brainwaves penetrated my cranium like it was a over ripe peach in the sun, “a$$hole alert, a$$hole alert”, I nodded in agreement and my eyes where suddenly wide open!
Why couldn’t we use our ESP to figure out
- What do you want for dinner?
- What do you want for your birthday?
- Why are you mad at me for being a dumb ass?
- “I bet he’s thinking about other women” when really you’re just wondering why you can’t hit your driver straight.
The list is endless, but I’ve gotten off track……frickin old age
Monica droned on as we trudged to our seats, “Tristen, I’ll take care of the customer, stay in your lane and you’ll be a rockstar with vibe just like me someday “. Monica “jumped off the call” upon the third request from our flight attendant ,what an ass.
We lazily dozed until our descent into Puerto Vallarta , we saw fireworks below and hoped the parade was near our condo,oh what fun that will be!
We were also treated to the familiar sound of Monica’s frantic dialing. In a true dick move, Monica and her traveling companions leapt into the isle the instant the intercom dinged its ding.They made it from the seat behind us to three rows ahead before other non dick travelers impeded their assault on the cabin door.
As we all gathered our bags and awaited our turn to deplane , I was elated to hear our flight attendant announce we’d be deplaning through the rear door!
Monica was now trapped squarely in the middle of the plane!The look on her face priceless!
I also happily noticed the first signs on hail damage on Monica’s ample thighs
Once we deplaned and boarded our bus I watched with glee at Monica staring at her bus which had suffered a minor electrical issue
Monica had to walk to the terminal!! Hahahaha!!!
As we arrived at the terminal I noticed our plane had also suffered a minor electrical issue,someone in the maintenance department was gonna be in big trouble!
Jaime & Judit ,Karen’s brother and his wonderful wife, met us at the condo
We spent the week as we have many times,alternating between lounging at the condo pool or spending the day at the beach. The beach vendors can be absolutely relentless, so I always make a sign for my hat.
If I got a dollar for every time I had to say “no thank you” to a vendor, I could repay all the Minnesota fraud!
We went fishing! Or as Jaime likes to call it, “ a $400 boat ride”
As luck would have it, we spied Monica at the OXOX (a 7-11 like store) she was headed to the all inclusive buffet line faster than a third monkey trying to board the ARC!!
We then went had beers with NBA Ledgend Larry Bird at a local dive bar
We had a beautiful Super moon over the bay , that was easily enjoyed from our condo balcony at 6 am!
Our last night we ventured out to our favorite Resturant!
Jorge’s Hideaway!
After a fabulous meal we ventured out to one of our favorite spot for a beverage.Andale’s is a bit of a tourist trap but what the hell,we like it
Our night of merriment was going great
Until I spied Monica strolling in the front door with her man like the night could not begin until she had “arrived”.
Her cackle disguised as a laugh overtook the night and dance music like bent nails being pulled from a 2 x 4.Its irritating properties reminded me of the sound of my own clarinet practicing in 1970.We did our best to ignore the bore of a woman by ingesting more alcohol and dancing like old people with no rhythm
We decided to call it a night when we did a double take on Monica and her “Grandpa Toy” making out at the bar!!!!
We decided Monica must have failed anatomy in high school as she seemed confused on the location of major male body parts
We headed for the street before things got any stranger and bid PV farewell. Another fabulous trip complete.
We were confident this was a fine sunset and it was not Trumpster blowing anything up ……..does kinda have a bit of a mushroom shape??
Round the bend 