Trying to fit in………just as hard at 60 as 16

Karen and I have been staying in a house here in Chandler Az…..in a 55+community called Moon Pond . The community is like any other, friendly, a bit cliquish and full of different personalities . I’m trying my best to avoid the “keeping up with the Jones” pitfall, but it tough when you see some of the well heeled folks. In a new state, environment , neighborhood, you wanna “fit in” thats human nature, but boy does it feel like high school sometimes!

Almost immediately I discovered we’d be trying to “keep up with the Adams” because we had no chance of graduating down the alphabet to the land of The Jones. This was apparent by witnessing the favorite vehicle of transport…..the golf cart!

Some of these things cost ….A LOT!!!!!!

And just like high school, you fantasize…..if only I had a 1969 Camaro like that a$$$hole Frank Delimba…I could be cool too…

in this case 40 some years later…. it was a 2021 EZ-GO four seat golf cart for transporting your friends to the CLUB!!!!

A cart boasting 30+ MPH on high capacity lithium batteries at $1,000 each! Bluetooth speakers for blaring out Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath and Justin Bieber ………alright…maybe not Justin Bieber………..but…you might sneak in a Cher jam once and again……….where was I? LED Bluetooth interactive accent lighting that is similar to staring at the sun

And requires you to trailer a small nuclear power plant behind the cart…. ……custom gel coat paint job complete with 13 clear coat finish to ensure your head explodes On the first scratch!!! Custom wheels & tires who’s cost rival the GNP of many small nations.Backup camera for when you are too juiced up to turn and look over your shoulder and a GPS so you can find your way home in the dark

Propane heater, rooftop AC unit………….REALLY? AC in a golf cart???? I should have gone to college…. or at least worked longer and saved a TON more cabbage!

I rode in Marsha’s cart the other day and it had a lift kit !

Planning on driving thru the sand traps Marsha Marsha Marsha??????? It is surprising how raising the cart just a few inches…while making it look cool as shyt….can cause you to catch your shoe on the cart floorboard thus causing you to Faceplant into the drivers seating area……..this is especially bothersome when Marsha is already seated………well….at least for Marsha it is.

Anyway all this pressure to fit in caused me to start looking for a cart….a cart we can afford…..this apparently is a limiting factor of epic proportions….as a brand new cart can be close to $30,000 if its tricked out!!!so I thought……..check on faceplant marketplace……..maybe I’ll find a deal on a gently used one!!!!!!

I found two carts that fit my economic status and meticulously listed the pros and cons

The first one was a piece of shit

But it had good rubber!!!!!

The second cart was a piece of shit too

Cart number two just needed a little air and some soap and water!!!!

BUT cart #1 had that retro look that I thought would resonate with the “seasoned” residents ….I was after all trying to fit in the new “hood” and trying to not get de-pants by the membership…………..I mean really….the thought of being de-pants by a group of 70+ year old dudes was even more frightening than the threat from Peter Shagdick and his homies back in Junior High in 1974

Karen and I ………..well……Karen painstaking cleaned and waxed and cleaned and waxed………….and then told me I was an idiot ………and then we took out a 401k loan……..and just a few short… …..well….many months later the golf cart restoration shop called….wanting more cabbage……apparently my vision…..of our dream cart….

was more than the estimate!!!!.

The delivery guy explained that the restoration shop…..restored the cart to “my economic level of monetary means” which I think means………..they stretched our cabbage as far as it would go….then stopped work.

After the delivery guy gave us the keys and left the building,Karen and I took it for a spin!!

We stopped at the little tiki hut on the course at THE CLUB and tried mixing with the regulars……..remember how it was as a teenager if you wandered into the wrong kegger or for those of you who weren’t complete derelicts like I was…….maybe the wrong “mixer” where you knew right away that there were different tribes or cliques and it was wise to “mix” with the correct group …so,you attempt small talk anyway….and just like your youth you discover people are different….some are aholes but some are also welcoming and friendly. While chatting with this friendly dude-

I mentioned that the new cart was acting a bit sluggish….he recommended several shops….as he is a man who has TWO carts!!!……I on the other hand……was thinking….DYI……..I use to be kinda handy…when I worked….before I became a supervisor……but that was…like……30-35 years ago. But…what the hell…how hard can it be???

After troubleshooting with a couple of YouTube videos…….I felt…like…. I had no clue what I was doing….but thats kinda my normal MO.

I discovered that the boneheads at the restoration shop wired the thing WRONG!!!!

EVERYONE knows positive goes to positive!!!!!

But I thought maybe I should only move some of the wires……I mean these guys do this for a living! So I just added some jumpers + to – a little duct and ba bing ba bang!!!

That was one of the noises it made when I hit the gas…….and it startled and scared this guy teeing off